Boudreaux was sittin’ on his front porch one day, rockin’ slowly away, sippin’ a cold Dixie beer with one of his favorite Zydeco music songs playin’ in the background — “Hey Ma Petit Fille “by Buckwheat Zydeco. ‘Bout midway thru da song, his wife Clotile came drivin’ up the dusty road to dere house in Boudreaux’s pickemup truck. She had the wind-doughs rolled down ’cause the pickemup’s A/C had not worked for ten years. As she rolls to a stop she hollers out, “Boudreaux honey, I got sum good news for ya and I got sum bad news!”
As Clotile steps out of da pickemup truck, Boudreaux yells back, “Woman, lay dat good news on me first!” As Clotile comes up da sidewalk made of dem 2″ by 8″ planks she sez, “Yore best friend Pierre’s wife Marie, has jus’ done had a brand nu baby boy child!” Boudreaux takes his John Deere cap off his bald head and slaps it against his knee. At the same time he shouts out, “Wooooo-eee woman, wit’ good news like dat, what could be so bad?” Clotile sez, “Da baby ben’ born wit no ears Boudreaux, ain’t that a shame?” Boudreaux looks down sadly and sez, “Dat shor es sum bad news, I gare-run-teeee you dat. My -o-my.”
Boudreaux ponders da news for a few seconds and sez, “I don’t know wha’ ta do Clotile, I want to congratulate my best friend on da brand nu baby boy child, but I don’t knows what ta say.” Clotile sez, “Boudreaux, I jes’ knew it was gonna affect u dis way so I bought a case of dat Dixie beer and we can go over to Pierre’s house and celebrate over a few beers.” Boudreaux sez, “Oh my woman, u’re da wife of my life and ya no how ta read my mine. Let’s get in dat pickemup truck and go to Pierre’s house rite now!”
They climbed in da pickemup truck and headed to Pierre’s house with Boudreaux behind the wheel. Clotile tells Boudreaux, “Boudreaux, ya no how bad you are ’bout puttin’ yor foot in yor mouth. You do it all da time. But whatever you do or say when you see dat little baby boy, don’t ya sez a word ’bout the baby having no ears. You hear me!” Boudreaux looks at Clotile and asks, “Woman, do u think I’m crazy? Pierre is my best friend, I would never do anything that embarras’ dat good man or his fine wife.”
As they pulled up to Pierre’s house they see Pierre sittin’ in the rockin’ chair on his front porch. Boudreaux hollers out, “Hey Pierreeeee! I hear yor fine wife don had a brand nu baby boy child, we come ta celebrate dat young man, and we brings a case of that Dixie beer fo good measure!” Pierre jumps up and runs out to the truck to greet them as Boudreaux gets the Dixie beer out of a big igloo cooler in da bed of da pickemup truck. After hugging both of dem, Pierre sez, “let me help yo wit dat fine beverage dere Boudreaux, and let’s go in to see my brand nu baby boy child.”
As Pierre turns and heads back to da house carryin’ dat case of beer, Clotile rams her forefinger into Boudreaux’s ribs real hard as a painful reminder that he is not suppos’ ta se anything ’bout de baby havin’ no ears.” Boudreaux nods his head up and down like he understands her as they walk behind Pierre into da house.
As soon as de walk into da door, Pierre puts de beer down onto da sofa and sez, “C’mon Boudreux, let me sho you and Clotile my brand nu baby boy child. Marie is in da kitchen makin’ gumbo and jambalaya, we’ll catch up wit her in a minute, I got to sho off my son now!”
As they walk into da little baby’s dimly lit bedroom they find him sound asleep, with soft baby music playin’ on a Fisher Price baby CD player. Boudreaux walks up to da baby bed, looks down, and is stunned to find that indeed, da baby has no ears. Both sides of his head are as slick as a whistle. Startled by the stark reality of what he’s seeing, and with each second passing by like it was an hour long, Boudreaux scrambled to say somtin’ — anything that might come ta his mind. Suddenly he blurts out, “My goodness Pierre, look at da fist on that boy child, I’ve never seen fists dat big on a baby boy child.” Pierre balls his own right hand into a fist and pushes it up towards Boudreaux’s face and proudly exclaims, “Just like his Daddy’s fist, huh Boo?” Boudreaux says, “Yes indeed Pierre, jus lik his Daddy’s fist.”
“What else ya tthinkin’ dere Boudreaux, what else ya think ’bout my little man?” Boudreaux shouts out, “Oh my word Pierre, look at dem big feet on dat baby boy child, I’ve never seen feet so big on a boy child before in my life.” Pierre lifts his right leg a bit, shakes his big right foot a couple of times, points down at it and sez, “Jus’ like his Daddy’s feet, right Boudreaux?” Boudreaux shouts back quickly, “Yeah! Jus’ like his Daddy’s feet, yo shu got dat rite dere Pierre!” — both of their voice clicking along in a rhythm now.
Not wanting to break the rhythm, Boudreaux quickly chimes right back and shouts, “And look at that hair on dat boy child Pierre, my goodness dat’s da prettiest blond hair I’ve ever seen on a boy ,child!” (almost patting himself on the back for thinking so quickly of yet another compliment and impressing Clotile, who had been nodding her approval all along with a great big smile on her face). As soon as Boudreaux complimented Pierre on the baby’s beautiful blond hair, Pierre points towards da kitchen and says in a lower voice, “Now dat he gets from his mama.” To which Boudreaux responds, “Yeah, dat he do, dat he do. I forgot ’bout Marie havin’ havin such beautiful blond hair also.”
Feeling himself on a roll now, Boudreaux hollers out, “Oh my word, would you look at those beautiful blu’ eyes on that boy child, I’ve never seen a baby with bluer eyes dan dat in my whole life Pierre!” Pierre, caught up in the action sez, “Yeah, and ya kno’ what dere Boudreaux, the doctor sez he’s got perfect 20-20 vision! Can ya believe dat?”
Boudreaux hollers out, “Well dats a damn good thing dere Pierre, ’cause he shor can’t wear no eyeglasses!”
Footnote: Boudreaux walked home with a black eye on dat day.